Gotta credit Dave Barry for this
Thanks for the suggestion, Henry. But you should know that such a column probably would not be well received by the cat community.
For example, this is something I wrote about cats many years ago:
Cats are less loyal than dogs, but more independent.
(This is code. It means: "Cats are smarter than dogs, but they hate people.")
Many people love cats. From time to time, newspapers print stories about some elderly widow who died and left her entire estate, valued at $3,200,000, to her cat, Fluffkins. Cats read these stories, too, and are always plotting to get named as beneficiaries in their owners' wills. Did you ever wonder where your cat goes when it wanders off for several hours? It meets with other cats in estate-planning seminars. I just thought you should know.
that explains a lot